You're my little dorito
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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