his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
