are you still at the devil's house?
we have officially lost it.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
