There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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