Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
