And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
