so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize