Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
