he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
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she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
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My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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