I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
