is your mom at the bar?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
