You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
