Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
