Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
