There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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