So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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