Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
