Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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