Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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