4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?