i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
