seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage