i jhust puked up my retainher.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.