I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry