Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
