On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
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Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
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For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT