You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.