man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
