That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You made out with two different species that night
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
