Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
