I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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