Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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