You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
