I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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