Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she looked like the before picture.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
