Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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