i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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