I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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