its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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