you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb