There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.