Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?