That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.