Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
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Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
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I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i believe in u and ur pee