dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?