whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
