omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
