HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
