Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
