Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
