Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
