what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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