..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
