We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
