I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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