Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
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