I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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