I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
