help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
tell me about the eggs
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