I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back