Texts From Last Night

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  (425): View more from Washington

  my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.

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  (425): my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me. http://tfl.nu/ks5k
  Replies (22) Good night (659) Bad night (5392) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.

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  (336): If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule. http://tfl.nu/wdvp
  Replies (27) Good night (3426) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...

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  (440): that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water... http://tfl.nu/dw5a
  Replies (12) Good night (540) Bad night (4031) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.

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  (540): it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking. http://tfl.nu/zwfn
  Replies (25) Good night (7515) Bad night (1245) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament

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  (502): It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament http://tfl.nu/u7ze
  Replies (23) Good night (3134) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.

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  (617): He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him. http://tfl.nu/v8g0
  Replies (14) Good night (5629) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.

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  (479): I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle. http://tfl.nu/61o1
  Replies (18) Good night (915) Bad night (7597) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands

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  (304): you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands http://tfl.nu/eruj
  Replies (12) Good night (2826) Bad night (1396) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.

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  (651): That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish. http://tfl.nu/pnvl
  Replies (3) Good night (3680) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.

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  (814): The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since. http://tfl.nu/i7hq
  Replies (5) Good night (1277) Bad night (1458) Order T-Shirt
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.

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  (574): I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus. http://tfl.nu/ya8h
  Replies (4) Good night (2234) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.

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  (314): You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head. http://tfl.nu/as38
  Replies (29) Good night (1704) Bad night (993) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.

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  (914): After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture. http://tfl.nu/pufy
  Replies (6) Good night (1025) Bad night (714)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.

  (281): View more from Texas

  You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...

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  (972): So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you. (281): You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it... http://tfl.nu/s196
  Replies (4) Good night (1126) Bad night (509)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...

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  (256): Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling... http://tfl.nu/w83s
  Replies (0) Good night (684) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt

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