There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Apparently you make a good broom.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?