he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri