worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
