exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
