The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
