am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
