I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
