party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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