Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
