I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
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got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
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Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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