fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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