then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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