This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
its not stalking. its research.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
