we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
