You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
