he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Boobs are out for the taking
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
