Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
